Earlier this year I read for a woman who had lost her child to cancer. She was wracked with ‘mother guilt’ as her son referred to it when he came through. Partly this guilt related to her sense of failure as a mother for not somehow saving her son from this disease and partly to her inability at times to save her son from the tortures of fruitless medical intervention. But the most painful sense of guilt lay in her interpretation of her behaviour not long before her son passed. At this point her son was unable to respond in anyway and was unable to eat or drink. In a state of denial, as she later believed herself to be, this distraught and loving mother insisted on trying to feed her child.
As she finished sharing this during the reading her son responded by saying that far from an act of denial it was a profound act of love that was necessary for both of them and spoke to the primal need that exists between mother and child – to nurture and be nurtured. Her son said that for him this seemingly simple act reminded him of two very important things. Firstly it symbolised the depth of his mother’s love for him. Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, it reminded him that in fact He was not going to die, only his body. As such He still needed nurturing and would always respond to his mother’s love. He went on to say that his mother’s attempts to feed his body fed his soul and allowed him to fully prepare to leave his body without fear.
It would seem to me that when caring for those who are preparing to die, acting from love will always provide what is needed, even if at times both ourselves and others may view our actions as less than rational. This beautiful depiction of mother-love speaks to the profound power of such simple acts of love and demonstrates that these stay with those in our care over time and life, both during and after their embodiment.
Mother and Child by Pablo Picasso
Recently I worked with two clients in their sixties, both women, who were still experiencing trauma from childhoods of emotional and psychological abuse from their mothers. For one woman the damaged relationship with her mother could be traced back through generations of harmful parenting, but for the other her mother’s treatment of her linked back to undisclosed sexual abuse of the mother. Regardless of the cause of the relationship trauma, in each reading the client’s mothers ,as well as grandparents from both sides of the family, came through. In both cases insights were provided as to why their mothers treated them in this way, love was given and forgiveness asked by all family members. Each mother expressed her heartache at the long-term damage caused, damage that they only fully became aware of once they had passed and completed their life reviews. Whether the client was able to express forgiveness at the time of the reading or not, each mother asked for permission to be able to mother them now from spirit and to be the mothers they had not been able to be in life. One client felt able to forgive and a great healing took place for both the client and her mother and their troubled relationship began to heal. For the other client forgiveness did not come so easily, nevertheless healing was begun by the telling of the story and the acknowledgement of hurt.
I have seen this many times before and am awed every time by both the capacity for forgiveness by the human spirit as well as the love and need to ‘make right’ from those in spirit. Being able to forgive while still in this life is immensely important to our own health and wellbeing while on this earth. It is also important to our soul’s growth and evolvement and sets us up for the next life already having experienced the lesson of forgiveness.
This week a number of the clients I worked with had a loved one with Alzheimers disease. This has led me to share what I have learned and experienced over the years when connecting with people who have this disease.
During readings I am connected with people who have passed and shown those that are still living and who are important to the theme/purpose of the reading. When people with Alzheimers are introduced into a reading I am able to communicate with them as though they too have passed. Their soul is very actively connected to the spirit realm. Because of this they are able to talk to their loved ones who come to the reading and share their love and gratitude for the visits and support currently provided to them by those around them. Even though their bodies and minds are not able to acknowledge these valued and important gifts of time and love, their souls gratefully receive.
A beautiful example of this was a father who, during the reading, acknowledged to his son that as a father and husband he had been emotionally distant, denying his family the love and nurture they had required. Because of this he was amazed and humbled by the love and attention that he was receiving from his family and the staff of the nursing home. This particularly since he was now incapable of responding in even the smallest way. He identified one son in particular who came for regular visits and for the first time in their relationship opened his heart to his father and shared his life and love during these visits.
For this man Alzheimers had allowed him to truly see his family for the first time and to willingly acknowledge and receive their unconditional love. So even though it seems that your loved one is lost to you because of this disease, they are in fact more aware of you than ever before and are always grateful for any kindness you are able to show them.