Working with the Mother Wound – Part 1

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Bringing the perspective of Loving Consciousness to the Mother Wound allows us to take back our power and change out of the costume of The Victim.  We understand now that we chose our Mothers and the roles they would play with us. We understand that there is great learning for us in all of the experiences given to us throughout this role. There has also been learning opportunities for our Mothers, but it is not our responsibility to to make sure that this learning takes place.

Understanding that our responsibility lies only with our own journey and learning, we are free to choose our next role. The next role we choose to play depends entirely on us, it our journey after all. Sometimes a change in role on our part will be enough to prompt a complimentary role change for our Mothers and so allow the relationship to also change and grow. Sometimes though, the role of The Wounding Mother must be retained, not for our learning, but for our Mothers’ and perhaps for other family members, and this is okay. We have only to walk our journey and be responsible for ourselves.

Kathy Baker

Image credit:Passionpng

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Bringing Loving Consciousness to the Mother Wound

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The Mother Wound cuts deep and long, as it is meant too. It is just one of the childhood experiences written on our hearts, but written deep and long so that we remember to go back to it again and again, until every drop of love and learning has been wrung from it’s depths. 

Our mothers have toiled for years and life-times to bring these gifts of wounding to us. They have experienced pain and injury untold so that they could play so exquisitely the role of the Wounding Mother. To make sure that they cut us in places that would bring the most growth they sat with us before their conception and listened to our dreams and aspirations, then wrote these on their hearts, deep and long, so they could prepare to bring us the very best mother/child experiences.

Kathy Baker

Image credit: Polkadotcom

Loving Consciousness

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Bringing the perspective of Loving Consciousness to an event or a challenge allows us to understand ourselves and others with greater clarity and love.   Loving Consciousness reminds us to suspend all judgment of who is right or wrong, to resist the labeling of actions and emotions as positive or negative. To, for a moment, remove the identification of perpetrator and victim.  When this is achieved we simply observe people. humans, engaged in playing roles that may have begun from the time they entered this life. They may be trying on new roles and adjusting to the costume. Some may have been caught naked trying to scramble into a costume that, as yet, doesn’t fit. Regardless of the position on the journey they are all Beings doing their best to play a role that each has co-created with the rest of the acting troupe. Roles that were co-created with divine Love to bring about learning for each member.

With this understanding we can bring Gratitude, Forgiveness and Love to all involved, including ourselves.  We are also able to step out of the grip of Fear that floods our brain with energy so wild and intense that it prevents clarity and locks us into a pattern of defensiveness and self-protection. Whilst it is essential for us to fully experience such emotions, it is also important that, from time to time, we are reminded to take a step back and view our life through the lens of Loving Consciousness, to check that we are learning everything there is to learn and to pause and thank the lesson bringers.

Kathy Baker

Image credit: Ivory Coast


Touching the heart of our pain

In order to touch the heart of our pain we must first take time to sit with it and understand its purpose. We have to remember that we are not made victim by our pain, but that as powerful creators we have manifested this pain to bring forward learning that can complete  Karmic cycles.

“Do not be in a rush to ‘heal’ (which is the same as ‘hide’) your pain. It will just return in different disguises (dis-eases) until you truly accept ownership of it and understand why you have manifested it at this moment in your life/lives.” Gabriel.

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I am beginning to understand the process and power of this teaching in my own life. Part of this process has been allowing myself to truly feel the overwhelm of life in my current moment of living with my son and his wife (lots of tears and snot and more tears and tissues and a good dose of anger, resentment and pouting). In the midst of this emotional outpouring I asked the Big question “What am I trying to learn?”.  And this time I was ready for  the Real answer. The answer that allowed me to move from ‘victim of circumstance’ to insightful, powerful creator.

The answer was “to learn the boundaries of my responsibility and to receive love and support with Grace”.

And so I have begun to give myself permission to put down responsibilities (sense of overwhelm) that, as it turns out, I didn’t need to be carrying anyway. I am also opening myself to the beautiful humility of receiving. This is still an ongoing process but now my self-talk is focussed on the heart of the lesson and everyday I let more small things go. e.g. I am not responsible for my daughter-in-law’s new puppy; I am not responsible for keeping the peace between family members, and I am allowing my family to ‘do’ for me without feeling the pressure of guilt.

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All of these seemingly trivial steps, that are no doubt glaringly obvious to others, sit within a much larger and longer story of my pain. Pain that I have manifested for more than 20 years  in the guise of Major Clinical Depression/anxiety disorder. I am both a powerful creator and a slow learner.

There is a sense of power and lightness of burden as I accept that I have intelligently manifested this learning context of Depression. As I continue on this journey my questions and self-talk are changing from: “I can’t bare this pain”; “What strategy can I use to get me through the grocery shopping”, to: “Why am I baring this pain?”, “Why do I have this pain?”. My answer at this moment is “Because the pain, the sickness, the Depression, gives me permission to let go of my overly, unnecessarily large, burden of responsibility”.  And so with this insight I begin the small steps of laying down bundles of responsibility that were never mine to begin with.

Kathy Baker

Images: Kathy Baker

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Sacred-life purpose

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From a new specialist Spirit Guide, Gabriel, who has entered my circle of Spirit Guides.

“Trust that your sacred-life purpose is unfolding always to it’s highest level. There are no ‘failed’ attempts because there is no ‘failure’. ‘Failure’ is a concept created for and by the human experience. The big lesson is to realise this.”

 

Image Kathy Baker. Words Gabriel via Kathy

 

The ‘in-between’

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At this moment in time I find myself in a state of transit.  I am neither there or here. One chapter of my life has closed, but the next has yet to open.  As if to emphasise this experience it is occurring during the Season of the Eclipse, the season of old and new, of beginnings and endings. As I am writing this I sit between two eclipses so the energy that swirls around me sings to me of breathless anticipation coupled with the grief that accompanies significant change, of belonging, but not belonging.

For me this in-betweenness is playing out at the physical and spiritual/energetic levels. I am indeed in between homes, something those born under the sign of Cancer feel most uncomfortable about. Having left my home in Sydney with my husband to resettle in Brisbane, we find ourselves having to live with our son and his wife while we wait (oh how I hate that word) for our next home to be ready for us.  I have a home, but it is not mine. I have such an urge to nest and make this house bend to my energy, but it belongs to others. I must wait. Wait and tinker around the edges. Wait and not impose my self on this already perfectly humming household. There is a lesson here I know.

While I wait and tinker and pout, my husband must search for work. I know the pressure on him is growing.  The not knowing of the where, when, how, the in-betweenness, is heavy for him also. The circumstances that led my husband to this in-betweeness came through a great sense of purpose, strong decisions and a flurry of movement that saw him leave a job that had been breaking him down for some time. And now there is the waiting, the looking, the in-betweenness.

Spiritually I feel ‘in-between’ because I am having to work at being Present. At being grounded and Here. My spiritual work has travelled with me, thankfully, and is my constant, (thank you all my beautiful clients) though I feel that even this aspect of myself is changing. I know that I am being asked to grow and develop my gift further and, as usual, I do this with dragging feet and bad grace.  I am a very poor student. And as usual I do not know what my work will look like or feel like when I make the changes that are required of me. I am in-between. I have a ‘knowing’ but not a clear ‘doing’.

I feel that a significant theme of this ‘in-betweenness’ is Trust. I am being asked (made) to let go of the wheel and not “push the river”. I must Trust in myself. Trust that when I made the sacred plan for this life, and knowing me I would have planned it down to the last detail,  that I made all the right decisions and allowed for all the required experiences, including the in-betweenness, so that I could complete my work for this life.  And so I turn this in-betweenness into a period of Trust and I will spend some time floating on the river – oh but I just want the bloody map!

 

My story -part 7

Throughout my adolescence my mother’s life was punctuated by visits to specialists and trials of alternative therapies to help manage the pain and debilitating effects of the arthritis that existed in every joint of her body.   She also continued to do battle with depression and was hospitalised several times following suicide attempts.  I became accustomed to waking in the middle of the night to the lights of an ambulance in the backyard coming to take my mother away once again. By this time my sister Heather and I were old enough to stay home and care for our little sister so  we no longer had to endure long periods of exile at relatives’ homes.

My father worked doggedly and quietly at his rehabilitation. He taught himself to write with his left hand as the right side of his body had been compromised in a way similar to that of a stroke victim.  His ability to return to work part-time as an external marker is testament to his strength and determination as well as the high esteem accorded to him by his colleagues.  He eventually returned to the classroom teaching one entry-level subject. By this time he had also spent many hours teaching himself to write left-handed on a chalkboard.

When I was seventeen years old my mother was diagnosed with secondary amaloidosis, a complication of the osteo and rheumatoid arthritis.  The amaloidosis affected the functioning of her kidneys and at the time of the diagnosis she was told that she had five years left to live. I remember the day she told me. It was in the afternoon after I had come home from school and as usual she was in bed. Looking back I know my reaction was inappropriate and must have hurt my mother deeply. At the time though I felt so relieved and happy that she had a whole five years left to live! I thought it was wonderful because I had spent a large part of my childhood dreading coming home from school because I expected to find her dead from one of the many ailments that plagued her. This diagnosis meant that I didn’t have to worry for another five years, what a blessing.

The next three years passed with no major events. At the age of twenty I married my husband, and we have now been married for thirty-three years and have three amazing children.  However at thirty-three years of age I experienced my first episode of major clinical depression. My journey with depression and anxiety had begun and it is only now, twenty years later, that I fully understand its purpose and lessons.

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Your Inner-Child is your best muse

It is important to understand that your Inner-Child is not wounded by the events and experiences of your childhood. When you enter each life you are very closely connected and aligned with your Inner-Child. This is where your sense of wonder, adventure, fearless inspiration and great capacity for love is held safe.  Always you have your Inner-Child waiting patiently for your return.

The life-events of your childhood are so important and sacred because they provide the basis for the key learning that you have chosen to experience in this life. It is because they are so important that they must occur when you are at your most vulnerable so they can resonate long enough for you come back to them as adults and clearly see the purpose and the learning held within these experiences. Your Inner-Child can bring great love, energy and creativity to this learning.

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Who is your Inner-Child?

Your Inner-Child is an aspect of yourself that is powerful, creative and most closely aligned to your Higher-self. Your Inner-Child is not a powerless victim who has been wounded and is in need of  rescuing. Rather, the pain and wounding that is traditionally seen as belonging to your Inner-Child is instead held within the themes and goals that you have selected to be the focus of your life-work. Your Inner-Child is simply the barer of these sacred life-lessons that have their origin in past-life experiences. I am shown the Inner-Child as a child holding an armful of ancient scrolls, each scroll carrying a past-life experience, sometimes traumatic, sometimes full of grief, and sometimes it is a deep fear that has no logical place in your current life. Each scroll needs to be opened and love and forgiveness brought to the experience and fear, so that balance can be achieved and the strong emotions released.

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Since not everyone has access to past-life retrieval, the life contexts that we plan for ourselves are selected because of the emotional triggers they hold that will bring in the echoes of these past-life traumas and patterns. When we find ourselves in the throes of a major challenge it is helpful to check-in with our Inner-Child to see if the current challenge relates to one of our chosen themes carried by this child.  The creativity and power of our Inner-Child is then available for us to help design a way of working with this particular life-lesson. Because our Inner-Child is so resilient we are able to try a number of strategies until we find a way of resolving the challenge.

Resolving a challenge can sometimes be as simple and profound as changing our perspective. When we view our life, or a particular situation in our life, through a different framework, or belief system, the reality that we had invested all our pain and angst in suddenly disappears. The characters within this particular drama are seen as just that, people playing certain roles for us and we no longer need them to be in that role. This may mean that as we change our perspective the people around us change their roles to suit and we are able to transform relationships so they become nurturing rather than abusive. Other times it may be necessary to let go of these relationships because we no longer need them to remind us what we are meant to be learning.

The more scrolls we are able to take from our Inner-Child the more clearly we can see him/her as the truly joyous and creative being that he/she is.

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